Been a while...

...and much has happened since last I wrote.

Jobs have been gotten, jobs have been lost (both my husband's, and mine). In November 2009 I lost my job of almost 12 years due to downsizing. I now make less than half of what I did then, but my current work has far more meaning to me than that ever did. For the last two years I've been working as a paraeducator in Autistic Support, first in middle school, now elementary. I'm not cut out for elementary, and on December 5th I'll be transferring within the agency to a new position as a 1:1 para in Multiple Disabilities Support. I'm very excited.

Dreams have been pursued, lost, changed, realized, and changed again. At the same time I lost my job I'd been going through a round of clomid, hoping to get pregnant. When I got my new job I put all that on hold due to the number of doctor appointments involved. The plan was to do another round of clomid the following summer when I'd be on break from work, but in April 2010 we decided not to follow through on fertility treatments and pursue foster parenting and adoption instead. On July 6 we got our first foster child, a 2 1/2-year-old boy with curly hair and catch phrases. On November 3, I got a big-fat-positive on a home pregnancy test. It was the best surprise ever. Three months later our foster son went to live with his father, and on June 29, 2011 we met our miracle baby. I waited 39 years for this amazing, smiley baby boy.

In true ADD fashion, I've just lost my train of thought and realized I was up WAY too late last night, so I'd better be off to bed.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Last year I was so thankful for the tiny life growing inside me, and this year I get to celebrate his first of many Thanksgivings. Life can be frustrating lately with job stress, the economy, and every other curveball that comes my way, yet I'm more thankful than ever.

Prayer Request Update!

Wow. Just WOW.

Caleb's mom had this to say on Facebook at 11:00 last night:

It's just CONFIRMED BY MRI..THEY GOT IT ALL, THE TUMOR'S ALL GONE!!!! bye bye, zip, zero, nada, nothing left...THANK YOU JESUS, PRAISE HIM!!! the doctor's & nurses are all amazed & don't quite know what to do with us...Caleb is walking, talking, eating, moving all of his extremities and his smile is wonderful! Now we wait for more pathology & oncology to plan our next steps and wait on Jesus to tell them. :)

I just received this update via email from someone who had just spoken to Caleb's dad:

Caleb is on his way home from the hospital! He had an MRI today to make sure all the tumor was gone and it confirmed that it was all taken out by the second surgery. He continues to be able to move everything. Caleb recovered from surgery much quicker than normal. He was eating within hours of the surgery and has experienced minimal pain. In the days to come they will be doing pathology on the tissue that was taken out and determining future treatment, but regardless of the results, a positive outcome is expected.

They hadn't even expected to release him until Sunday. Unbelievable!!

Thank you, Jesus, for the doctors at CHOP, the amazing strength you have given to Caleb and his family, and answering the prayers of all of us.

Prayer works, people. God. Is. LOVE.

Prayer Request

Please pray for Caleb, an 18-year-old boy who is having surgery at this moment to remove a malignant brain tumor. Caleb is the son of one the pastors at my church. This is the 2nd surgery he has had for this tumor, which is stage 3 and a fairly rare, aggressive form of cancer.

I'd like to write more, but I can't seem gather my thoughts. Jason Mitchell, our middle school pastor, wrote an excellent blog about this yesterday, so please check it out. Caleb's strength and faith through this ordeal have been truly inspirational.

Please keep Caleb in your prayers, as well as his family, the surgeons, and all involved in his surgery and treatment.

April is National Autism Awareness Month

What would you like people to understand about your child/grandchild/student/friend with autism?

Intensive Programming for Students with Autism

I'm doing a paper on the above for an Early Intervention class I'm taking right now. If anyone has a child on the autism spectrum and would be interested in providing input about the various therapies their child has received, please let me know.

You can email me directly if you prefer: npeace414(AT)gmail(DOT)com

Thanks!!

To rejoin or not to rejoin, that is the question.

My weight has been a constant battle for me, probably since middle school. I've lost, regained, re-lost, and regained over and over again. Every time I regain the pounds, they bring their friends along and I end up weighing more than I did when I started.

The most I've ever lost was in 1999/2000. My friend was getting married, and I was one of the maids of honor. One night in June (1999) she and I went to look at bridesmaid dresses, along with a few of the other attendants. I was a size 26. The other girls ranged from sizes 2 through 8. It was ok until I came out of the dressing room and looked at myself in the mirror. For the rest of the time we were in the bridal shop, I bit back tears. When I got finally home, I just sobbed.

The next day, I joined Weight Watchers. I was so motivated and so disciplined that I lost 8 1/2 pounds in the first week. By the time Michelle's wedding came around I had lost 62 pounds. My dress was so big on me they had to take it apart and practically rebuild it. It was WONDERFUL.

Me & Michelle, June 2000
(not the rebuilt dress, but you get the idea)

Me & my brother, Christmas 2000

I kept the weight off for a little while, but over time, with help from various factors, it all came creeping back. And, as usual, it's brought friends. Today I weigh about 25 pounds more than I did the day I'd joined Weight Watchers in 1999.

Larry, Lucas & me, October 2008

I've tried to lose weight again several times since, but never with the same resolve that I'd had back then.  I've struggled with not caring, then "I am the way God made me; God doesn't make mistakes" and now... "I should be taking better care of the body God gave me." Someone else recently put it this way - she doesn't feel she can do God's work if she isn't taking care of her body (I'm paraphrasing - I didn't write it down at the time).

Those last two statements are the ones I'm dwelling on now. I should be taking better care of the body God gave me. I'm not going to be able to do His work if my knees and back are causing me so much pain. This was very evident to me one night recently when I was serving at church and I'd needed to get up and down from the floor four or five times. How am I going to teach small children (or play with my own) if I can't move?? At 36, this should not be the enormous struggle that it is.

This realization should be enough to motivate me, right? Apparently not. I know HOW to lose weight. I know WHAT to do. So WHY don't I do it?

This has been weighing so heavily (no pun intended, but it sure fits) on my mind lately. I hate the way I feel. I see my reflection in a glass door and I hate the way I look. I see my face in my car window and think I look fat and angry. I am fat. And I am angry. I'm angry at myself, for not fixing this.  I'm angry at myself for letting it get this bad in the first place.  BUT... in church right now we're talking about change, and how we can't change ourselves but follow God and let Him make the changes within us.  (I hope I'm getting that right... anyone??)

I debate about joining Weight Watchers again. It has to be the online version, because I don't have time for meetings (I'm in school 3 nights a week) and meetings cost so much more. I do this bit in my head: "I don't want to spend the money. I don't want to track every little thing I eat. I don't want to be limited." Then again, I don't want to go to work every day, but I do it because I have to.

So the question remains... do I rejoin, or do I not? Why is it such a difficult decision?  Am I trying to change myself, or is this inner battle I seem to be having right now God's way of making the changes in me?  And if that's the case... why am I resisting Him?

Prayer Request

Friends of mine are going through a very hard time right now.  I won't share their names, in the interest of privacy.  They have six children; the three youngest were adopted through foster care.  One of the twin boys they adopted has bipolar disorder, and today had to be admitted to an inpatient treatment program.  He's five years old.  

As difficult as this decision was for them, they had to do what was best to get him stabilized, and for the safety of the other children.  I never knew until now that children could even be diagnosed with bipolar disorder, much less that it could be so, so bad.  It seems, from what I've read, that it's even more difficult to treat in children than adults.  

My heart breaks for this family.  Fortunately, they have an amazing support system, and incredible faith that God has a plan and will pull them through this difficult time.  If you believe in the power of prayer, please help me lift up this little guy and his family.  I think they could use all the prayer they can get right now.