Counting My Blessings

1. My husband amazes me. He loves me just as I am, makes me laugh every day, and is incredibly helpful around the house. If it weren't for the financial aspect, I could totally get used to him being at home. He does all the cleaning I hate to do!
2. Speaking of my husband... he found a job yesterday! It's only part time, but lots of people are having to take part time work right now because there's such a shortage of full time jobs. It's not enough to solve all our problems, but it'll do for now, and we're grateful for it.
3. Fall semester is almost over and I'm soooo ready for Winter break. Finals tomorrow and Friday, then I'm off til mid-January!
4. I have a job that pays well. I've been here for almost 11 years and I'm ready to move on (graduation can't get here fast enough), but in these hard economic times, when so many are out of work, I'm grateful to be employed.
5. I have great parents, stepparents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, all of whom I love very much, even if I don't call or visit often enough.
6. I have wonderful friends who have been there for me over so many years, and through so much junk, and love me even through my little quirks and scattered nature.
   
7. I am thankful that T is still with us. She is still in the ICU, had a trach tube inserted today to continue helping her breathe, and unfortunately had her right leg amputated a few inches below the knee today as well. But she is alive and we all love her and miss her and will continue to pray for her recovery.
8. I am thankful that my stepson is happy and healthy, and that we're making progress with the bedtime battles, even if it is just baby steps.
9. I am thankful for Facebook. Sound weird? I've reconnected with so many people through there and found an additional support system of other women - other moms - who can share their experiences and advice.
10. I am thankful that we have a home... a warm place and a roof over our heads. Not everyone has a place to sleep tonight.
11. I am thankful for my church and the wonderful people in it.
12. I am thankful for God, who loves me, forgives me, and amazes me more every day.

LCBC Worship - King of Heaven from Matt Goss on Vimeo.

My Faith Story, Part I

I was raised Catholic. It seems like a lot of people's stories start out that way, doesn't it? I never liked going to church - it bored me. After I graduated from high school I got married at 19. We had a Catholic wedding, and every Sunday we went to church with his parents. It still bored me. We separated after 2 1/2 years of marriage and our divorce was final just a few days after our 3rd anniversary.

Shortly before my 24th birthday I was married for the 2nd time. We didn't go to church. Somewhere along the line I'd become uncertain that I even believed in God. My husband wasn't much of a believer either. Two years later, we separated and divorced. I was 26. It's not a period of my life I'm particularly proud of.

Sometime during my first marriage I'd begun to suffer from depression. From that time through the middle of 2002, I was taking prescription anti-depressants, and occasionally saw a therapist. I had no interest in going to church, but found the subjects of various religions interesting. I found myself especially interested in Paganism, and Wicca, but never quite interested or motivated enough to try to put anything into practice. I was even engaged again during that time, but realized it wouldn't work and broke off the engagement before we got married.

In late Winter/early Spring 2005, the depression came creeping back. In mid-June of that year I hit an all-time low. I would come home from work, go to bed, and sob. I wanted to die. I would be driving to or from my job and just envision myself slamming my foot on the gas pedal and speeding into a bridge or a pole. I was sure that death had to be easier than living.

Fortunately, I loved my family far too much to act on those thoughts. They never knew (until now, if anyone reads this) that things had gotten quite that bad. I realized I needed to go back on the anti-depressants.

During that time, my mother and my grandmother kept encouraging me to pray. What they didn't know is that I'd already started. I felt like I didn't know how, like I couldn't remember. Growing up in the Catholic church, I wasn't accustomed to just talking to God. We always had certain prayers we prayed, but I'd never just tried having a conversation with God. I decided to start looking for a church I could go to.

I knew I didn't want to go back to the Catholic church - it felt like there were too many rules, too many rituals. A few years earlier I'd visited a church or two, but just didn't feel comfortable. I tried another, but it just didn't seem much different from what I'd experienced in the past. A friend of mine suggested I try Lancaster County Bible Church (now LCBC - Lives Changed By Christ). She'd never been there herself, but she drove past it every day going to and from work and knew there was always something going on there. A short time later, another friend suggested I check it out, though she had never been there either. I decided to give it a try.

On October 30, 2005, I decided to check out a Sunday morning service. I had no idea what to expect, but I knew the place was huge, and I thought it seemed pretty intimidating. I thoroughly expected to hate it. I was caught completely by surprise.

It had taken me a while to figure out what to wear that morning, but one of the first things I noticed was that most people were wearing jeans. The auditorium was huge, and I found a seat in the upper level, where I could see everything and hopefully not be noticed.

There was a stage, not an alter, and it was set for a band rather than the organ or piano I had grown up hearing in church. Then the worship band started to play, and I was shocked to feel tears rolling down my cheeks. And it wasn't a hymn they were playing - it was a song you might hear on the radio. It might have been something by Switchfoot, though I don't remember anymore. David Ashcraft, the senior pastor, wasn't speaking that day, but Keith Walker was doing the sermon. He was wearing jeans and a shirt that wasn't tucked in and he was funny. I was laughing in church. After the service I walked around the atrium for a few minutes, checking things out. Instead of being intimidated by the size, I blended into the crowd. Nobody noticed that I had never been there before.

When I left LCBC that day, I felt better than I had in six months. I wasn't just feeling a little less depressed - I was actually happy. And I couldn't wait to go back.

To be continued...